Bullies Extend Reach Through Cyber-Age Tools
Victims of bullies are no longer free from attacks even at home because those age-old nemeses of students everywhere have extended their reach through cyber-age tools like e-mail and text messages, James Brown, a PhD student at the Indiana University School of Social Work, points out.
Data shows the new-age methods of bullying can be more distressing than the old-fashioned face-to-face taunts because there is such an anonymous component to it, Brown said.
If the victims don't know who the messages are from, it's hard to know who to be mad at or who to trust, he explained. And if the messages along with images are posted on web sites, often the perception of the child is that the whole world knows about it, Brown said.
That often leaves the victim feeling as if his life has been ruined.
Brown has dealt with the bullying issue for years, first as a social worker in Michigan schools and now as a doctoral student whose main focus of research is bullies.
Brown began working as a special education school social worker in Michigan in 1993, where he served schools in four districts spread across three counties in Northern Michigan. He worked with kids from age 4 to young adults up to 21.
He moved to a different school district in 1995 as an at-risk school social worker where he began dealing directly with the issue of bullying. There, he worked to create a system where bullies were held accountable, and where the school system supported victims and did not blame them. He left Mid-Michigan in 2005 with his wife and two daughters to come to IU. Although a huge risk at the time, Brown is glad he and his family were able to move out of their comfort zone into something new and challenging.
Along the way, he has modified intervention techniques for getting students to think about intervening when they see someone being bullied - statistics show only about 17 percent of students are willing to become involved in such situations - as well as developing a technique he modified from a cognitive therapy book called "verbal judo" victims can use to disarm bullies. Even with the advent of cyber bullying, verbal bullying is still the most frequently used form of bullying in schools.
Bullying, as Brown defines the meaning, is deliberate, hurtful behavior that is repeated, with a distinct power imbalance that could be physical, social, economic or perceptual.
While some people may think that bullying is just something kids do, Brown believes it needs to be confronted directly. This concern is reflected in a longitudinal research study that found children who self-reported they were bullying at age 8 were 6 times more likely to have committed a serious crime as young adults and 5 times as likely to have a criminal record compared to non-bullies (Olweus, 1993).
The worst advice a parent can give to a child is to tell them to ignore it, he said. Parents may feel children and teens need to 'work things out' on their own to develop social skills, Brown said. Becoming a victim of a bully isn't a social skill one needs to learn, Brown added.
Bullies can leave a person hurting mentally, physically and could even lead to the child becoming a bully themselves, or experience helplessness and turn inward, Brown said.
He urged parents to take action if they believe their children are victims of bullies at school. If school administrators won't get involved, he suggested parent(s) first go to the superintendent to share their concern. If that does not help your child's situation, showing up at school board meeting and when the public is invited to ask questions or make comments, to get up and tell the board about the situation your child has faced and your understanding of what has and hasn't been done. What you are asking for is usually found in the schools mission statement: That every child has the right to learn in a safe caring environment.
When things are not safe, some common warning signs that a child is being bullied include:
• Suddenly your child has few, if any friends.
• Phone calls in our out of the home decline.
• Seems uncomfortable or afraid of going to school.
• Change in transportation arrangements: walking to and from school instead of getting a ride or taking the bus.
• Avoids taking part in organized activities with peers.
• Appears sad, silent, or depressed when he or she comes home.
• Experiences a loss of appetite.
• Comes home with torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing, books or other belonging.
• Has unexplained cuts, bruises and scratches.
Brown also suggests that a parent ask their children's peer group general questions about bullying when they stop by and plop down on the couch. Ask the kids if bullying occurs at school and if they answer yes, ask what they think about it, Brown suggests.
If it is seen as fun or a joke, that should be a red flag for a parent that their child may be involved in a group that supports bullying, even by sanctioning it by being a supportive bystander. If your child's friends give an example of a child who is bullying, asking the peer group what that feels like for the student victim can also be revealing.
Brown also has come up with some tips for victims of bullies, including verbal judo. The idea is to take a taunt, such as "you're fat," or "you're the biggest loser in the school" and first ask a question about what that means and then look for something in the statement, even if absurd, to agree with, Brown said.
For example, get the bully to explain what he means by fat and if he says "you weigh 400 pounds, then the victim can agree, saying, "yes, "I'm not the skinniest person in Indiana, that's for sure, so I won't be in the running for America's top model."
"That method used consistently takes the ammunition from the bully's weapon," Brown explained. The victim needs to keep watch to see if the bully is moving from the verbal to physical threats. If so, then a different response mantra is used on the bully.
"All of this takes some level of practice in order for a child who has had their spirit wounded, to believe they can pull it off when that time comes. That's where social workers who work in the schools can really empower students who are targeted by bullies" Brown says.
His insights into bullying led him to be interviewed on WIBC- 93.1FM on March 11th as part of the station's series on self-esteem issues for children.
Brown, who teaches two classes that focus on developing helping skills for social workers and is a member of the Leadership in Education & Adolescent Health initiative at Riley Hospital for Children, also conducted a workshop March 13 at a conference, "Reducing the Risks, Hoosier Teens Talk Health," put on by the Indiana Department of Health and the Indiana Department of Education.
With only 45 minutes to tackle a complicated subject, Brown used an interactive game called Mingle and Lights, Camera, Action to get students to communicate in small groups. Students were challenged to think about how they can intervene and stop bullying at their schools without getting hurt or attacked because of their intervention.
Data shows that while a number of students want to do something, they don't know what to do or how to do it, Brown said. Sometimes the social and emotional cost to getting involved can be overwhelming, even as adults.
For more information contact Rob Schneider, Indiana University School of Social Work at 317-278-0303 or at robschn@iupui.edu.
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